I woke up with anxiety at the pit of my stomach. The familiar ick that plagued the majority of my life. I haven’t felt it like this in years. In fact, it’s one of the things I felt l had victory over. I went along with my daily routine, but I was so disconnected. Bible study and prayer felt half hearted. I graduated from my career coaching program and instead of excitement, just felt like another day. At work I was in a fog and not showing up as my best self. Worship time at Celebrate Recovery, my goodness, I just could not concentrate and forgot the piano parts. As I drove home I was on the verge of tears. I had to lean into the anxiety because it’s the body trying to get my attention.

Ever thankful for the tools I learned during my years of trauma therapy, I’m able to sit in the quiet and listen to my body. I was having feelings of overwhelm, imposter syndrome and yearning. What the heck is ‘yearning’ as an emotion?? I HAD to dig into that one.

Well, when you throw all those emotions into one basket it’s my body responding to the circumstances around me. I have a new business, but no solid clients. My dad’s body is failing due to stage 4 cancer and family dynamics are horrible. After a year of no income, the savings are depleted. We just dropped my son’s car off to the auto shop for repair. Sounds like I’ve got two themes, money and family of origin. The two things I’ve surrendered as idols in my life a few weeks ago. Now sprinkle in the guilt I have to God. I allowed these dang idols to crawl back on the altar. The lies begin, “He’s for sure not going to listen to my cries for help.”

Here’s where it gets good. The Yearning emotion I was feeling came from my body missing the peace it had become accustomed to. The lies and old stories had pushed out my peace. It’s hard to feel any peace when anxiety is crowding the room. And where do I go for peace? I run to God. I was yearning closeness with Him.

I ran to my “love letter from God” which contains Bible verse in a letter form. He reminds me I’m not a mistake, He made me. He’s close and loving. 1 John 3:1 ” And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.” hits my heart. Mind you, I’m still learning what Godly love is, as it’s been very conditional and earned through performance. I need to know what this verse really means.

Lavish means to give, spend or produce something in excessive amounts. It’s used as both an adjective and a verb to describe things that are luxurious, elaborate, or abundantly generous. So when God uses this word He’s using it in all the ways! He is not holding back, rationing, or measuring His love. He profoundly POURS it out on humanity in an extravagant, overflowing, and generously abundant way.

Extravagant and Unearned

God’s affection is completely unmerited. You did NOTHING to earn his love. You can just sit there and stare at a wall and God will drown you in His love….if you let Him. This is the character of God. God is love! (1 John 4:8).

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8

It changes your idenitity through adoption

In 1 John 3:1, he speaks to how great the love of God our Father lavishes on us that we would be called children of God. In the original Greek text, the word for “lavished” (didomi) means to bestow or give a one-sided gift. Yet John couples it with the phrase ‘how great’ which now now implies it as something otherworldly or shockingly grand. He doesn’t just forgive people, He’s inviting them into his family as His own children.

As one who has place a child for adoption, I’ve seen first hand the intense love, wanting, longing, joy, of the parent for their chosen child. They wanted to love a child of their own so badly they sacrificed and paid the high price. There was nothing that beautiful child had to do but to be lavishly loved.

But to be adopted by God, the King of Heaven, into His royal family is more than just the lavish love. This is an identity change. No longer a servant in destitute. Because the King is sovereign, you are now treated with the honor, protection, and dignity due to royalty. In ancient Roman and Near Eastern adoption customs, the person’s old debts, family name, and social status were legally wiped clean. Wiped clean!! As a believer that means my old stories and lies do not carry weight.

It’s sacrificial and costly

Like I mentioned above, to lavish means to give without minding the cost. God demonstrated this by giving up what was most precious to Him, His Son, Jesus, to bridge the gap between humanity and Himself. God does not ration His love or grace. They are offered in massive oversupply that completely floods over human sin, fear, and insecurity.

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us.” – Ephesians 1:7-8

It creates an Overflow

Do you feel like you are drowning in God’s love yet? It gets better. God’s lavish love directly produces peace in us by shifting our fears and insecurities to His unshakeable, eternal character. He’s our solid foundation. As we are filled with this endless supply of love from our Father, we are empowered to love others with the same unconditional and generous spirit. Our peace calms others. We can meet them with kindness. We are able to love unconditionally, just as we yearn to be loved.

I now sit in overflow of God’s lavish love beyond grateful for the new understanding. The the anxiety has been flushed out and replaced with peace knowing I’m LOVED by my Father. Adopted by a King into a royal family. All the circumstances still exists, but God has me covered, swimming, drowning in his wonderful overwhelming love.