I wrote a poem. This is not something I do. I journal a lot. But one day it came out during my journaling after witnessing the birth of our beautiful granddaughter.

I watched my bonus-daughter’s birth story unfold. I saw how doting her husband was to her and to this beautiful little baby girl. I watched as my husband bent over backwards to attend to her every need. The more I watched all the love being poured into this miraculous life event, the more the internal hurts and wounds from my birth story, of giving a child for adoption over 30 years ago, began to drown me as an emotional tidal wave crashed down. The pain felt as intense as the day it happened. I decided I was not letting this take me down. I use the tools trauma therapy taught me to pause and acknowledge the pain. I named the hurt. I felt it. Mourned it. I gut wrenchingly cried. I journaled.

What started as my normal writing pattern turned into a free flow writing session from the past memories stored as pain and heartbreak in my body being released. Here’s what they had to say.

I see you alone soul
The one who carried life for another
You were turned away
To pretend nothing happened
Alone to wonder in quiet
Will you ever be enough for someone to love?
Will you be too much
Send her off to her room, to another state
Is life expendable when alone?
No one can abandon you when you’re one
No one can remind you your cost
It’s so suffocating
Stuffing everything away stops me from breathing
No air in my lungs
I gave a life away, the ultimate abandonment
Will they take me back?
I signed my death, yet I’m still alive
I don’t see a way back
No matter how hard I try or work or do
I’ll never be what they need
What about me, why have I self abandoned?
You can’t go back
Yet there is a lot left forward
So what do you want?
If I can dance for others I can dance for myself
Perform little monkey
Oh, you can’t do for yourself because that’s selfish
That’s what was taught
Time to throw those lessons away taught by life
Core beliefs need to change
You can be alone, but KNOW THIS, you are worth it
You are loved, wanted, adored, blessed, healthy, gifted, talented, kind
You have a purpose
It was not to be the performing monkey
You don’t regulate others
You take care of you, and only offer help to the room
They do for themselves
It was never mine to make someone feel good
Especially when it takes knocking you down
It’s time to fly, little bird
Time to build something great and promising
Memories hurt for a few moments
Grab them when they come
See them
Name them
Feel it and thank it
You survived so much
No more self hate beatdowns
Time to rise
You can do hard things
You can also heal from those things and become great
I see you my Soul
Tomorrow is a new day

Jenny Glenn
April 21, 2026