You Will Have Enemies.

Oh boy, Jesus wasn’t kidding. Most of my life has been family struggles. My family operates in a system where stability is maintained through denial, shifting narratives, unspoken roles, and did I mention denial? What’s missing is shared truth and accountability. Reality often becomes negotiable, meaning, I know what happened, but it’s like it didn’t happen cause ain’t no one talking about it. The “thing that happened” or conflict will be avoided or redirected through emotional pressure, confusion, or silence. We all have predictable roles, like the victim, the  avoider, the chaotic one or me, the disruptor/truth-teller. As soon as someone steps outside that role, the system pushes back to restore its unrealistic balance. We used to have some good times where we could all be in the same room together  with some laughter in the mess. But that was a long time ago. It’s unfortunate the good times are inconsistent and tangled with dysfunction.  

A family system structured this way is just a ticking time bomb ready to explode especially after the strain of the past 3 years that caused serious division and old traumas to make their appearance. I had to make the decision to go no contact with my younger brother who suffers with some serious life and emotional problems. I had old wounds resurrect and trigger me in such ways I wanted to die during conversations with him. I ran for help. Today I am writing this from a place of peace. This is a peace I will protect at all cost. It’s also a peace I want others to have as well. Unfortunately peace and dysfunction do not live in the same house.

Our Dad was diagnosed with kidney cancer in December 2025. We created a text thread with the siblings to only talk about Dad’s medical care while on his cancer journey. We didn’t even make it a full month before it blew up. 

My youngest brother is anxious to have restored conversations between those who chose to walk away because he knows it’s going to be awkward when dad passes and we have to all stand in the same room at his funeral. However, his approach is is very controlling and far from relational. It’s demanding the old patterns of ignore the issues and let him bully you because he’s the victim.

Fortunately for me I have learned to not go all in at first with anyone who has threatened my peace before, and that includes family. So I chose to keep everything in text chats between him when he reached out one to one. He was determined that we speak. I said I was not ready. The demands became guilt ridden and threatening. I stayed consistent and bam…he escalated. No change. What he didn’t expect this this time was I was going to be standing firmly in my peace and not follow the family rules, because from the looks of things, that’s been the biggest injustice that this family has given him. Enabling poor behavior just doesn’t fly in the face of reality.  

He tries his best to emotionally guilt me with lines that use to get a response from me 3 years ago. This time I’m just sad for him because what I’m hearing is a very wounded 12  year old and a very angry 14 year old. I wish I could help him, but from my years in recovery, I know that’s not my job. He has to want it. As the berating goes on and he begins talking about he might as well be buried in the dirt. (note…I will take these type of words seriously) I sent him a link to a recovery center close to him and just a simple, “Get help”. What a nice sister I am. NOPE. 

That woke the anger monster. It got bad, really bad, and the venom showed up in the sibling text thread. He he was cracking and showing the side he has hidden from those he hasn’t lashed out at yet. Oh, how he baited and I bit.

I was quick to anger and reacted instead of staying quiet which only gave him ammunition. My words were being spiraled back at me in rapid fire. I’m actually quite impressed at his abilities! But this is insane! We’ve been told it’s family, we all should get along, but no one is getting along! It feels crazy. And rightfully so as this is what happens when you align with God and no longer bow to the dysfunction and lies.

I pull myself up by my trusty ol’ bootstraps and ran to spend time with God. I need His guidance. I need His peace beyond all understanding. He did not disappoint. I had an eye opening time with God.

Him vs Enemies

Jesus reminds us a man’s enemies will be the members of his own house for those who follow him. He says,  

“Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven. Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against  his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother in-law — a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.” Matthew 10:32-36 (NIV)

WOAH…the Bible is telling me this is to be expected! So I followed the footnote which lead me deeper and go over to Micah 7 which is what Jesus’s words are actually referencing.

“The day God visits you has come, the day your watchmen sound the alarm. Now is the time of your confusion. Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with the woman who lies in your embrace, guard the words of your lips. For a son dishonors his father, a daughter rises up against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—a man’s enemies are the members of  his own household. But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.” Micah 7:4b-7 (NIV) 

Did you see it? In verse 4. It hit me and gave me comfort at the same time. “Now is the time of confusion” (v4). God’s word says I’ll not make sense of it!! And it’s okay I can’t make sense of the family system. No amount of processing in my brain is going to make it make sense. Confusion is where truth and denial collide.

I can stand in the truth that I will put my trust, love and allegiance in Jesus and in doing so it will make enemies. Great.. that sounds fun…not. But He doesn’t leave me there. He tells me what I can do. I will watch in hope for the Lord, wait on him and He will hear me (v7).  

Pick up your cross

So what do we do with that? I’m still stuck here in my emotions and it hurts and it’s sad. It’s a broken relationship! As I read on in Matthew 10:38, it say this is the cross we are called to carry. I love how the Message Bible says it.  

“If you don’t go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don’t deserve me.  If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.” Matthew 10:30 (The Message)

When we focus on God instead of the loss of the relationship Jesus says that we will find ourselves and Jesus!! Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 flooded my mind, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them  falls down, the one can help the other up.” Oh man!!! Who could be better to have  as your #2 than Jesus Christ himself!?! 

That really pumps my soul up!! I’m in. But Miss Realistic over here knows the exhaustion that  has comes from “being the strong one” and stuffing the hurt our attempt to be strong and not giving Jesus our hurts. Well, nothing comes as a surprise to God and that’s what is so beautiful about God. He knew that would happen and when the burden becomes too much, promises to give us rest. Jesus says to us,

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly”. Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message) 

Can you just imagine someone talking to you like that? The kindness of getting to rest without guilt? I’d be a puddle just having someone ask me the first couple questions. The King of Kings gently says He will “recover your life” and teach the “unforced rhythms of grace”. Comparing that to the confusion, anger and discord I’ve experienced with my family, I’ll take what He’s giving.

The NIV version of this verse says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV).

How do we take His yoke? By learning to love like Jesus. Oh yeah. This is the whole love your enemy thing Matthew speaks of. “But I tell you, love your enemies and  pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:44 (NIV). Okay… I can do this.  

I Can’t Do This

Never mind, I can’t do this. I can’t get the words from the text conversations out of my mind! Even in the middle of my prayers I’m ruminating on the words exchanged between my brother and I. I’m thinking of all the burns and digs I could have said that would have hit him where it hurts. THEN I feel really bad for thinking that and how horrible a person I am for even thinking such things of someone I love, “What kind of Christian am I?”. And then I drop into the pit of hell I’ve lived the majority of my life. AHHHHH I hate this! I hate me for letting him get the best of me. 

My peace is gone. God has been NO WHERE in the prayer time. I run back to God’s word as I’m having a serious issues with revenge thinking.

Leviticus 19:18 commands…yes, commands…”Do not seek revenge or bear a  grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.” (NIV).  Matthew 22:39 Jesus declares, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (NIV).

LORD I NEED YOUR HELP! Every time I try to pray away the ick and take the thoughts  captive…they run away in my head. 

God Is Still There

God didn’t leave us hanging to beat ourselves up. We are told to not be anxious about anything, but go ask God for help. (Have I mentioned that I really love The  Message version of some of these verses?) 

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message) 

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:7 (NIV)

Remember in Micah where God said there would be confusion? The opposite of that is understanding. We are humans made of failing flesh. We will fail. We will be confused. We will worry. We will never be perfect nor have supernatural powers of our own. But God does and He offers the peace of God, which surpasses all our human understanding, and it will guard our hearts and our minds in Jesus Christ. It’s up to to me to take captive what is taking my focus off of God and to ask for His help to focus on Him and not what has happened. 

Give It To Me

I took God up on His word and asked Him to help me focus on Him. I have a confession. The thoughts still popped into my head, which was so frustrating!! Instead of spiraling into the I can’t, I quickly took the thought captive.

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2  Corinthians 10:4-5 (NIV)

I would immediately notice a thought forming, took it before it finished or had time to bring up familiar negative emotions, and threw it like a softball to God. As it soared His way I confidently said, “This is not my mess. Lord, please take it and give care for my brother.”  

I just continued that same process over and over.  

Thought Forming + Take Captive + Throw + Pray to God.  

Guess what? As I kept this practice up the thoughts are not as loud. Dare I say not even there? I have so much peace. I don’t understand it. And that is exactly what God said about this kind of peace. It’s beyond our understanding. I’ll take it. Thank you, Lord!!

Dear God in Heaven. I’m beyond thankful for your words found in the Bible that jumped off the pages at me. Thank you for walking me through Your truth as I face the dysfunction head on. Thank you for being a God in whom I can put my trust in. Thank you for providing your peace in situations that have devastated me in the past. You are good, so good. Thank you for loving me at my worst. Amen.